評語

STUDENT19, on a scale of one to six, your response to this assignment was rated a 3 for focus. Focus relates to your ability to present a consistent, unified message and stay on topic. Your focus is limited. Typically, a response at this level has a reasonably clear purpose evident, though the presentation may stray from the controlling point. The response may lack focus and cohesion.
STUDENT19, let's work on making your focus much clearer.
Revision Goal 1: State the central/controlling idea of your essay.
1. In your introduction, you should include one sentence that tells your reader what your essay will be about. This is called your thesis statement. Highlight it in yellow.
2. If you did not write one sentence to explain what your essay will be about, ask yourself, "What do I want my reader to learn from my essay?" Now, write the answer in one sentence at the beginning of your essay.
Example:
Before Revision: The Redwood National Forest in California has many hiking and biking trails.
Frank's Strategy: I wrote details about California, but I did not write a sentence that explains what my essay will be about.
After Revision:The Redwood National Forest in California is a spectacular place to visit.
Frank's Reflection: I wrote one sentence that clearly states what my essay will be about.
Revision Goal 2: Understand and write for your audience.
1.Read the prompt and find the audience. Are you writing for friends and students, for parents or other adults, or for newspaper readers?
2.Make sure the words you wrote in your essay are appropriate for your audience. For example, if you are writing to adults, you should NOT use slang or contractions.
Example:
Before Revision: I wanna go hiking in the Redwood National Forest. And after that I dunno. Maybe I will chill on a park bench.
Frank's Strategy: I used slang words, "wanna," "dunno," and "chill." I need to replace these with more formal language because I am writing to adults.
After Revision: I want to go hiking in the Redwood National Forest. After hiking, I may relax on a park bench.
Frank's Reflection: I replaced slang words with more formal words, "want to" and "relax."

Effect of Technology

The network technology has changed human life, in the modern society, the network has not only become a part of life, but become a tools that people communicated with people.
After the computer invents, it make human life progress, no matter do everything, can use the computer to help you to finish the work more fast and intact, the quality of the life that makes too is raised day by day. network is another great invention after the computer, you can greet to the friend beyond thousands of kilometers through the network, and it can looking for innumerable knowledge in the network too, also look for the girlfriend too.
But product a lot of social concerns behind that brought convenience, for example, the network swindles, addiction to the internet games, doesn't care about the things of surrounding area, and neglect the homework etc.
It is convenient that internet technology is brought to us, but must carefully in we use by it, could make human society prosperity and progress.

1. You should study your lesson in advance. When should you study your lesson?
2. The trip was made over bumpy roads. What kind of road were they?
3. They’re going to Dallas by plane. How are they going to Dallas?
4. Claude ate some dessert at noon. What did he eat?
5. The pilot can land now. What can he do?
6. This student works independently of others. How does he work?